The Granny Effect
You may be thinking this is a continuation of the GILF post in the archives. It's not. This is story about my Granny,..who loves me dearly....I have always been very close to my Granny, very very close. I used to ride my bike as a kid to her house 7 miles away through some of the worst traffic in Jacksonville, just to hang out and get some Granny dinner (which is by far the best dinner you could have). If my folks knew I was riding my bike over there they would have flattened my tires, taken my shoes and grounded me for a month, but Granny is a great conspirator and the bike was parked in the backyard. Grannies usually don't lie,..but if it comes to me getting in trouble for hanging out with her and Pop, she would have lied like a rug.
So last week my Granny gets ill. Not sick, but had a specific medical problem and had to be hospitalized. She is 93 and any condition is bad for a 93 year old. I spent Thursday night with her at the hospital, it was just her and I. I never mind going to the hospital, because there are always cute nurses somewhere in there. So Waiting in the waiting room and things do not bother me, other than the situation at hand....but Granny was in great sprits, and was not medicated so we could talk as we always have.
She always wants to know my love life....I would love nothing more than to give her a great grand baby prior to her departure from this world. I would love nothing more than her to meet my wife. As its going now, I worry that she will not see these things, but know that she would love it. She always pesters me about why I cannot find a "Nice" girl and settle down, have kids. The I get the ol' "You are so handsome and funny, you should have 100 women!" Leave it to Granny to stroke your ego as a man.....the difference is that the world has changed vastly since 1935 when she met my grandfather (a georgia cracker born in Perry, Ga). Granny was an immigrant from Eastern Block Europe then to Canada, then to NY, then to Philly. There she met my Pops while he was in the Navy. She met him at a party, the rest is history.
I try to explain to her that women are differnt now, since they got the right to vote,..she doesn't thinks that's funny,..but I do...then I try to explain how men lost the battle with women when she was a kid and Eve gave Adam the apple,...but she doesn't think that's funny either,..so then i just blame it on those Damned protesters and the sexual revolution of the 60's...that she understands and mumbles DAMN HIPPIES......At any rate I do try to explain to her, that few women to day care to even learn to cook. Some women,..many are more focused on careers than family or even starting a family...she undertands
So there my granny is, in the hospital and she hits me up with the how my love life is,..so I thought, what better way to tell her than to explain the blog......now trying to explain this to a woman that has never even driven a car, is like trying to explain Astrophysics to a pygmie with a lip disk and neck rings.....its just ain't gonna happen,..but I explained it like TV and that I could write what i wanted and that its kind of like a diary and other people can read it any time. I explain to her that mine isn't as personal as a diary, it simply chronicles my dating life as my character Dating Dave. She got the point and I began to tell her some of the sotries posted here. They say laughter is the best medicine,..well no wonder Granny got released from the hospital, I had her aged butt laughing so hard the nurse came into see if she was alright.....I told the nurse,..she was senile and giggles whenever she hears the word "window"...the nurse says "Yeah, me too,..wanna try?" Granny smakced me and the nurse was a "Player" Funny,........we all laughed.
So I was super busy this weekend and Granny was getting turned lose once some tests came back. She was going to be fine they just wanted to know what to tell her about if it happens again and so forth,..so I didn't see her the two days before she was released. She knew from Thursday and Friday all of the girls in my life and who, what, where, when, and why. She may be 93, but she is sharp as a tack and she now knows all of their names AND nicknames....she is so old school! And when I try to explain some of the screw ball thigs that have happened, she say that girl was crazy,..or you should have left her fanny at the concert (See PSYCHO, B-Day , and the Concert" in the archives).
So I get a call from my sister and later from granny. On Sunday granny was working the angles with a nurse at the hospital....poor girl she got interrogated by a 93 year old....granny got her name her age AND her phone number (yeah Granny is a player),..she told Nursey,...that I would be by and she would introduce us and then we should go have coffee......you know that would all be funny,...if it wasn't sad.....my damn granny gettin more phone numbers than me...and worst of all she is getting them for me.....that's alright at least I know there is one woman on my side in this whole thing......and she is not trying to kill me,..she has a vested interest in my well being actually......I'll take the alliance...The bigget problem is that Granny still thinks I am 30,...and thus a 24 year old is perfect for me,..she thinks the man should always be older than the woman.....but 12 years? Well once she found out I was 36 she told me not to call the girl and to forget about,.....ok,..they still tease at 93.......anyway I thought it was funny and this is the granny effect......at 93 she has nothing to lose by asking any young lady she meets for her phone number for her grandson......I just wish her sight was better. Luckily with the nurse,..."K" my sister, was in and out and was able to pull off some recon for me....it would have been fine barring the age difference...thanks to "K" an honorable Committee member, my back was being watched.....
So last week my Granny gets ill. Not sick, but had a specific medical problem and had to be hospitalized. She is 93 and any condition is bad for a 93 year old. I spent Thursday night with her at the hospital, it was just her and I. I never mind going to the hospital, because there are always cute nurses somewhere in there. So Waiting in the waiting room and things do not bother me, other than the situation at hand....but Granny was in great sprits, and was not medicated so we could talk as we always have.
She always wants to know my love life....I would love nothing more than to give her a great grand baby prior to her departure from this world. I would love nothing more than her to meet my wife. As its going now, I worry that she will not see these things, but know that she would love it. She always pesters me about why I cannot find a "Nice" girl and settle down, have kids. The I get the ol' "You are so handsome and funny, you should have 100 women!" Leave it to Granny to stroke your ego as a man.....the difference is that the world has changed vastly since 1935 when she met my grandfather (a georgia cracker born in Perry, Ga). Granny was an immigrant from Eastern Block Europe then to Canada, then to NY, then to Philly. There she met my Pops while he was in the Navy. She met him at a party, the rest is history.
I try to explain to her that women are differnt now, since they got the right to vote,..she doesn't thinks that's funny,..but I do...then I try to explain how men lost the battle with women when she was a kid and Eve gave Adam the apple,...but she doesn't think that's funny either,..so then i just blame it on those Damned protesters and the sexual revolution of the 60's...that she understands and mumbles DAMN HIPPIES......At any rate I do try to explain to her, that few women to day care to even learn to cook. Some women,..many are more focused on careers than family or even starting a family...she undertands
So there my granny is, in the hospital and she hits me up with the how my love life is,..so I thought, what better way to tell her than to explain the blog......now trying to explain this to a woman that has never even driven a car, is like trying to explain Astrophysics to a pygmie with a lip disk and neck rings.....its just ain't gonna happen,..but I explained it like TV and that I could write what i wanted and that its kind of like a diary and other people can read it any time. I explain to her that mine isn't as personal as a diary, it simply chronicles my dating life as my character Dating Dave. She got the point and I began to tell her some of the sotries posted here. They say laughter is the best medicine,..well no wonder Granny got released from the hospital, I had her aged butt laughing so hard the nurse came into see if she was alright.....I told the nurse,..she was senile and giggles whenever she hears the word "window"...the nurse says "Yeah, me too,..wanna try?" Granny smakced me and the nurse was a "Player" Funny,........we all laughed.
So I was super busy this weekend and Granny was getting turned lose once some tests came back. She was going to be fine they just wanted to know what to tell her about if it happens again and so forth,..so I didn't see her the two days before she was released. She knew from Thursday and Friday all of the girls in my life and who, what, where, when, and why. She may be 93, but she is sharp as a tack and she now knows all of their names AND nicknames....she is so old school! And when I try to explain some of the screw ball thigs that have happened, she say that girl was crazy,..or you should have left her fanny at the concert (See PSYCHO, B-Day , and the Concert" in the archives).
So I get a call from my sister and later from granny. On Sunday granny was working the angles with a nurse at the hospital....poor girl she got interrogated by a 93 year old....granny got her name her age AND her phone number (yeah Granny is a player),..she told Nursey,...that I would be by and she would introduce us and then we should go have coffee......you know that would all be funny,...if it wasn't sad.....my damn granny gettin more phone numbers than me...and worst of all she is getting them for me.....that's alright at least I know there is one woman on my side in this whole thing......and she is not trying to kill me,..she has a vested interest in my well being actually......I'll take the alliance...The bigget problem is that Granny still thinks I am 30,...and thus a 24 year old is perfect for me,..she thinks the man should always be older than the woman.....but 12 years? Well once she found out I was 36 she told me not to call the girl and to forget about,.....ok,..they still tease at 93.......anyway I thought it was funny and this is the granny effect......at 93 she has nothing to lose by asking any young lady she meets for her phone number for her grandson......I just wish her sight was better. Luckily with the nurse,..."K" my sister, was in and out and was able to pull off some recon for me....it would have been fine barring the age difference...thanks to "K" an honorable Committee member, my back was being watched.....
posted by Redneck Dave at Thursday, March 09, 2006
1 Comments:
She LOOOOOOOOOVED those stories! She knew all the nicnames! I was dyin'!
The nurse was hot. Just a baby though.
I busted out when Granny said she thought you were 30....then when I finished laughing....I added a few years.
Love, love and more love.
K
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