Politically Correct

Most that know me, know for a dead on fact that I AM NOT politically correct,.....but.....since I am here to bitch, moan, groan, inform and enlighten, I thought perhaps I should cater for a moment to those who do......



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>
> 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
> She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
>
> 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
> She is, "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
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> 3. She is not "EASY" -
> She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
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> 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -
> She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
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> 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
> She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
>
> 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD"! -
> She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
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> 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
> She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED".
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> 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
> She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
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> 9. She does not "NAG" you -
> She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
>
> 10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
> She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
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> 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
> She is "PICTORIALLY SUPERIOR."
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> 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
> She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
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> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>
> 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
> He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
>
> 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
> He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
>
> 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
> He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
>
> 4. He is not "BALDING" -
> He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
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> 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
> He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
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> 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
> He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
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> 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
> He develops a case of CRANIAL-ANAL INVERSION."
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> 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
> He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
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> 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
> He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
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> 10. He is not "HORNY" -
> He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
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> 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
> It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"?