ODE TO A BAD FIRST DATE

So until I complete the Cubana update, which is still developing anyway,....I thought I might pass along a dating story that really set the stage for the rest of my dating life.....so into the time machine ye faithful and lets go back to big hair, stupid rockbands, rolled up jean bottoms, and 1986. I was in 10th grade and had just gotten my drivers license.
I was lucky enough to be at the perfect age just in time for my dad to repalce my mom's 12 year old car. There wasn't any value in it for trade and he was just plain tired of taking my pimple faced ass to work everyday. So, I got lucky and was given a 1974 Ford Maverick, it was a hoopdee for sure,..but since it was small I called it a Coupedee. Perfect party car, you could cram at least 8 highschoolers in it and a six pack of wine coolers or beer (the only thing we could buy from the Indians that ran the convienience store). As much as I hated that car,..I loved it. It symbolized freedom.....it was all that was great about being 16. Driving to school, going on dates, going to parties with less fortunate un-mobile friends....When you are 16 and not everyone has a car, your popularity goes up exponentially.......
So, I meet this girl,...I think her name was Jenny and I don't really remember how we met. We didn't go to the same school, but we met either way. I finally asked her out and we agreed that I would pick her up Friday night at 7 and meet her parents too. Fine by me! I was a good kid, full time student, and had two part time jobs. I dressed okay, since one of the jobs was working at The Gap,....my clothes were certainly presentable to parents....no "Fuck War" shirts or things like that.....So, I leave my house very excited,..she was cute as hell, blonde hair blue eyes.....slim and tall as was I. She lived in a swanky neighborhood about 10 miles away, so off I went. As I got to her neighborhood, reading directions to her place from what I had scribbled on a scrap of paper,..then the bottom falls out,....no not on the Maverick,...but from the sky. I mean raining like Noah was building an ark again....Just so we are clear....a 1974 Maverick was not known for having awesome windshield wipers!!!...and since it was the middle of summer,......in Florida,..... it was a humid 94 degrees.....a Maverick was also not know for its AC and mine had none,..so I had to roll the windows up to keep from getting drenched by the rain,..hindsight would have said its better to be wet than sweaty......but I was sweating by the gallon....only seconds from her house.....I found the address,..but I couldn't tell where to park! The driveway was full and there was a mulched area in front of the yard, that looked like it handled parking, it could have been a garden for all I know,..but I couldn't tell from the rain,..so I decided I would parallel park in front of her house just in case,...didn't want to get the "Hey your parked on my petunias!".....Next to the drive way was a big brick mailbox. A nuke could have gone off and this sucker would still be standing,..so I thought. I couldn't see shit,..and I began to back up to park. Just then i hear this noise,......rememeber FIRST DATE HERE!!!! I hit the mail box,...which had yet to have been secured to the ground with a concrete base......Whne I backed into it,..the Mav barely moved, but I could tell I hit something,....but shortly,..seconds later,.... I KNEW I HIT SOMETHING......This big ass mail box,..falls backwards away from my car,..but when it did, the base of it, lifted the back end of my car off the ground.....I couldn't go backwards,..I couldn't go forward! I was on top of the box....nothing I could do...the hope of getting out of the car and standing it back up were dashed,..now not only did I have to tell her folks that I hit their mailbox,...but that I knocked it over AND my car was stuck on top of it. I had to tell them this BEFORE I could safely operate my motor vehicle with their precious cargo inside! I would need their help getting off their mailbox too.....There I sat; sweating in the car,..thinking "Man,..if I could just get off this thing I was gone"!!!!,..Never to be heard from or seen again,....nothing but burn out marks and me gone.....NOPE it just wasn't going to happen....I had to face the music and the band was already playing.....
In summer in Florida, these massive rainstorms disappear as fast as they arrive.....finally it slowed to a drizzle and steam was all over the street. The temps climbed back into the 90's. I got out of the car and surveyed the damage....SHIIIIIIT, GREAT, this is going to SUUUUUUUUCK! Oh well,..I have to be a man about it.....I walk to the door and knock,..her folks let me in and were very nice.....I decided to cut to the chase and fess up right away, before Jenny even came down stairs. They said she was stil getting ready,..but I suspected she was afraid to come down after witnessing my driving skills through her bedroom window. I went to the boss.....I told her dad. I said I was very sorry,..it was raining so hard I couldn't see. If it had been embedded in concrete I would have just tapped it,..but it fell over and now my car is jacked off the ground........He gave me this look,...and her mother left the room,..I thought I was a deadman,.....so young,...now dead! after a few seconds of sitting there,..I heard uncontrolable laughter coming from the kitchen the direction her mother had headed for,..she must be sharpening a knife to cut off my ears or something,...Then her dad busts out laughing....here comes Jenny down the stairs thinking I am winning her folks over.....instead I am wet with sweat and rain and my big beet red face and head glowing like a pilon....man was I embarrassed....since her folks were totally unable to answer her in regard to what was so funny,...I told her what happened,..now I had all three laughing,...luckily she liked me and I got a reassuring pat and hug,......I was about to cry,..I swear to God,..I just wanted to leave......
We all walk to the front door to survey the damage.........After putting up with unending comments from her dad, about demolition derby and how HE was going to drive us on our date,..and moms is over there laughing like something was REALLY funny, and Jenny feeling my pain,..but getting a big kick out of it...I still wanted to leave,..but first things first,..I had to get my car off the mailbox,.....we went out into the drizzle and steam and he told me to get in the car and to specifically NOT TO HIT HIM WITH THE CAR....After a try or two, I was free,...It was all I could do to not keep on driving, leaving a cloud of mud and road wet in my wake as I peeled out,..but I didn't. I got out and apologized again,..thats when he told me, that they just bought the mailbox the week before and had not set it yet in concrete. It had fallen over twice by itself and that it wasn't my fault.....BUUUUUUUT (yes it gets worse), since I DID hit it,...I needed to help him do something!!!!! Great.......You see, they had a Great Dane,..a 250lb Great Dane,...it died the night before and he had dug the hole to bury it,.....he needed help carrying the rigor mortis stiffened carcass of this big beast to its final resting spot,...a five deep pit in the back yard....what could I say? I helped carry that damn dog as my pennance!........So my first date with my first car, with my first girlfriend that I could actually not have to be picked up or dropped off with and this happens.....as we left for our date,...I heard her dad exclaim,..."HAVE HER HOME BY 11,AND DON"T HIT ANYTHING!" Then as the door shut I swore I heard more laughter.......We went out a few more times but nothing ever came of it....I think it was ruined from the first minute.....but I take the lessons with me still today.....I have yet to hit another mailbox.....or bury a great Dane,..may he rest in peace!