THEY'RRRRRRE BAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!
Alright, thats it! All women are officially crazy and all of them have a super ultra secret communication network. They are worse than terrorists,...in fact I am sure that they ACTUALLY ARE terrorists. Secretly, they all know each other,....they talk and have regular meetings....their goal you ask???? To kill men one by one and make their deaths as painful as possible and prolong it as long as they can....now it may not be ALL women.....I think maybe some escape the grips of this secret society (that's not so secret now) and become normal women....they defect and become wives and enjoy marriage,...and to not actually slowly kill one man over the course of 40-60 years.....these defectors are what makes men like me weak and unable to tell the difference......
So there I was.....just minding my own business.....working at my desk and suddenly BLING "You be havin some Mail"...so I open the in-box expecting to see how I can get a lower mortgage rate and a boner all by replying to an email AND win two free airline tickets too,...but there is an email from an Ex (who until now has not made it on the blog, and was prior to all of this). She sends me a picture of her in labor (uuuuuhhh yeah) and overlayed with her kissing her baby. A great photo to say the least.......BUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT. This woman who shall be called "N.orthC.arolina". N.C. and I had a great fling, lots of fun, liked lots of the same stuff and had good break furniture sex. Something wasn't right though, she had an "ex" herself and I was suspicious that she never REALLY ended it with him. I suspected for some of our relationship that I was being used for revenge.......on him. But, I fell hard for NC and we all know that love is not only blind, its deaf, dumb, and stupid too...Love is definitely a "short bus" passenger... One day NC calls me and says that her ex gave her an egagement ring. She took it and accepted his proposal....Ummmm hello!! We are in love here!!!! Totally crushed me....I mean WTF? After that she wouldn't return my calls....I tried desperately to find out who, what, where, when, and why....her mind was made up and I think it was made up long before we even started dating...I tried to email her and explain how I felt,...I just kept getting kicked in the nuts......(this is also why I wear an "athletic cup" all the time....got to protect the boys)...Worst part is that she is good friends and a colleague of one of my "Committee Members" (you know, the girls that I think have defected to this side and are spies for me on the secret society). This committee member had to listen to my sorry heartbroken ass moan and groan for weeks over NC AND had to see her everyday too.....shortly thereafter,..NC gets married, pregnant, has kid,..and now is sending me pics of it (this would be the part of trying to kill a man, and this is a long range attack,...kind of like an ICBM from thousands of miles away,...the email bling was actually that whistling sound you hear in a movie right before a bomb hits) and I suppose I should change my "You be havin some mail" to a soldier yelling at the top of his lungs....."INCOOOOOOOMINGGGG"....the hits just keep on coming......
Oooooohhhhh, but that is just part of the whole story here......That was I think Monday....then.............................there.......................was.......................Tuesday. So there I was, minding my own business,..taking the morning shower, singing some stupid jingle that I can't get out of my head.....theres room for stupid songs to linger but no room for my head to figure how to grow more hair.....Nature can be cruel sometimes....but I digress.....so there I was minding my own shower business and I hear something......What was that?? Stop, look, listen.....nothing.....so back to minding my own business again.....and there it is again........its the door? Who in their right mind is knocking on my door at 7:45 a.m. Landlord? The Law? Candy-gram?....I yell for them to hold on.....I desoap and grab a pair of jeans.....no shirt, no drawers...just commando.....If it was the landlord.....two knocks and the door opens.....I didn't want to be caught buck ass naked....I open the door and its............. You guessed it...."Thatgirl"
I never quite finished my story on her,..but everyone reading got the point and it was what it was.....Several weeks after we broke up she again claimed to be pregnant.....and after insulting me and calling me several names she said she was going to have an abortion and that I didn't deserve to have a child on this earth...FUCKIN OUCH lady! After consulting with everyone....we all agreed that it was bullshit and she was just trying to get me back for whatever...and knowing her stance on abortion,...she would have never even contemplated it.....I knew it, she knew it....but maybe she was and maybe she did.....only she and God know (and her friends I guess). But there she is standing at my door a quarter to 8. I let her in.......yeah against my better judgement....I began completing the daily routine of getting ready and she wasn't going to tell me anything until I was done and she had my attention. We had idle chit chat until I was done. DAMN I LOVE HER CHEST ITS HUGE>>>>>>>>>>must think about how evil she is,..must think how evil she is.......damn look at those things.....I want to see them again......EVIL I SAY EVIL.....this was the fight going on inside me......
To be continued......
So there I was.....just minding my own business.....working at my desk and suddenly BLING "You be havin some Mail"...so I open the in-box expecting to see how I can get a lower mortgage rate and a boner all by replying to an email AND win two free airline tickets too,...but there is an email from an Ex (who until now has not made it on the blog, and was prior to all of this). She sends me a picture of her in labor (uuuuuhhh yeah) and overlayed with her kissing her baby. A great photo to say the least.......BUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT. This woman who shall be called "N.orthC.arolina". N.C. and I had a great fling, lots of fun, liked lots of the same stuff and had good break furniture sex. Something wasn't right though, she had an "ex" herself and I was suspicious that she never REALLY ended it with him. I suspected for some of our relationship that I was being used for revenge.......on him. But, I fell hard for NC and we all know that love is not only blind, its deaf, dumb, and stupid too...Love is definitely a "short bus" passenger... One day NC calls me and says that her ex gave her an egagement ring. She took it and accepted his proposal....Ummmm hello!! We are in love here!!!! Totally crushed me....I mean WTF? After that she wouldn't return my calls....I tried desperately to find out who, what, where, when, and why....her mind was made up and I think it was made up long before we even started dating...I tried to email her and explain how I felt,...I just kept getting kicked in the nuts......(this is also why I wear an "athletic cup" all the time....got to protect the boys)...Worst part is that she is good friends and a colleague of one of my "Committee Members" (you know, the girls that I think have defected to this side and are spies for me on the secret society). This committee member had to listen to my sorry heartbroken ass moan and groan for weeks over NC AND had to see her everyday too.....shortly thereafter,..NC gets married, pregnant, has kid,..and now is sending me pics of it (this would be the part of trying to kill a man, and this is a long range attack,...kind of like an ICBM from thousands of miles away,...the email bling was actually that whistling sound you hear in a movie right before a bomb hits) and I suppose I should change my "You be havin some mail" to a soldier yelling at the top of his lungs....."INCOOOOOOOMINGGGG"....the hits just keep on coming......
Oooooohhhhh, but that is just part of the whole story here......That was I think Monday....then.............................there.......................was.......................Tuesday. So there I was, minding my own business,..taking the morning shower, singing some stupid jingle that I can't get out of my head.....theres room for stupid songs to linger but no room for my head to figure how to grow more hair.....Nature can be cruel sometimes....but I digress.....so there I was minding my own shower business and I hear something......What was that?? Stop, look, listen.....nothing.....so back to minding my own business again.....and there it is again........its the door? Who in their right mind is knocking on my door at 7:45 a.m. Landlord? The Law? Candy-gram?....I yell for them to hold on.....I desoap and grab a pair of jeans.....no shirt, no drawers...just commando.....If it was the landlord.....two knocks and the door opens.....I didn't want to be caught buck ass naked....I open the door and its............. You guessed it...."Thatgirl"
I never quite finished my story on her,..but everyone reading got the point and it was what it was.....Several weeks after we broke up she again claimed to be pregnant.....and after insulting me and calling me several names she said she was going to have an abortion and that I didn't deserve to have a child on this earth...FUCKIN OUCH lady! After consulting with everyone....we all agreed that it was bullshit and she was just trying to get me back for whatever...and knowing her stance on abortion,...she would have never even contemplated it.....I knew it, she knew it....but maybe she was and maybe she did.....only she and God know (and her friends I guess). But there she is standing at my door a quarter to 8. I let her in.......yeah against my better judgement....I began completing the daily routine of getting ready and she wasn't going to tell me anything until I was done and she had my attention. We had idle chit chat until I was done. DAMN I LOVE HER CHEST ITS HUGE>>>>>>>>>>must think about how evil she is,..must think how evil she is.......damn look at those things.....I want to see them again......EVIL I SAY EVIL.....this was the fight going on inside me......
To be continued......
posted by Redneck Dave at Thursday, February 23, 2006
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