What Happened?
Well, it goes like this....
Sometimes you have to follow your instincts.....if something isn't right in your gut,....then its probably not right in reality. When you get these feelings, they can be easy to ignore......they can also be persistent. With Paula, they were very persistent. Nothing really happened, and there was nothing I could say caused the break-up, but things were not right from the git-go......I just avoided those instincts.
If I were to put it in a nutshell I would say this was the oddest of relationships I have ever been in. It was kind of like dating a married woman,...and yes I have done this more than once in my past. The only difference I can find between that and what I had going on was that usually in an "affair" type situation, usually sex is high on the priority list for both parties....and that certainly wasn't the case in this relationship. In fact, it was virtually non-existent after a certain point.
Paula and I had many things in common. We got along great in person. Conversation was easy and often times we found ourselves laughing uncontrollably. Again though, something wasn't right and to this moment I can't put my finger on it.....There were just things not right. Bottom line is that I have nothing bad to say about Paula. If I was to say what I felt was wrong with the whole thing, it would be simply that she was going to either adopt (she stated that she thought about that for this year if she didn't meet someone) or have a child....I was the alternative to adoption. She did a full background check on me when we started dating, and when I demanded a sort of birth control (any sort) we stopped having sex. In the same breath I can say that there was definitely something there for us,....but her priorities were different than mine. I have been a round for a while and I understand the in's and out's of a woman who wants a baby. If I was to say there was an underlying factor,..then I would say that that was it.
I want a child,..but I do not want it that way. I don't want one for the sake of having a child and then hope I can stay with the mother.....Some women find a good man and decide "well at least I know this person is good enough to have a child with,...even if we don't work out"......to me that is the wrong priority. There were other problems and other things that made me feel uneasy,..but this was the thing that I noticed more than once, twice, or even three times.....in fact during one of our first trists...the comment came from her..."Think boy!......Think boy!" and she wasn't talking about me,..but to me......that was when the gut instinct started and from there it was pretty much downhill..........
I really liked Paula,..but there were things that just didn't add up.....her priority was definitely not me.....once it was noticed,....I think we both acted on it. Had this been 5, maybe 10 years ago,....I think we would have had a good relationship if not marriage. But now? Well, I think at least one of us realized that it just wasn't going ot work......that someone was me....You do what you have to do sometimes,..and I have to go back to drawing board......
Sometimes you have to follow your instincts.....if something isn't right in your gut,....then its probably not right in reality. When you get these feelings, they can be easy to ignore......they can also be persistent. With Paula, they were very persistent. Nothing really happened, and there was nothing I could say caused the break-up, but things were not right from the git-go......I just avoided those instincts.
If I were to put it in a nutshell I would say this was the oddest of relationships I have ever been in. It was kind of like dating a married woman,...and yes I have done this more than once in my past. The only difference I can find between that and what I had going on was that usually in an "affair" type situation, usually sex is high on the priority list for both parties....and that certainly wasn't the case in this relationship. In fact, it was virtually non-existent after a certain point.
Paula and I had many things in common. We got along great in person. Conversation was easy and often times we found ourselves laughing uncontrollably. Again though, something wasn't right and to this moment I can't put my finger on it.....There were just things not right. Bottom line is that I have nothing bad to say about Paula. If I was to say what I felt was wrong with the whole thing, it would be simply that she was going to either adopt (she stated that she thought about that for this year if she didn't meet someone) or have a child....I was the alternative to adoption. She did a full background check on me when we started dating, and when I demanded a sort of birth control (any sort) we stopped having sex. In the same breath I can say that there was definitely something there for us,....but her priorities were different than mine. I have been a round for a while and I understand the in's and out's of a woman who wants a baby. If I was to say there was an underlying factor,..then I would say that that was it.
I want a child,..but I do not want it that way. I don't want one for the sake of having a child and then hope I can stay with the mother.....Some women find a good man and decide "well at least I know this person is good enough to have a child with,...even if we don't work out"......to me that is the wrong priority. There were other problems and other things that made me feel uneasy,..but this was the thing that I noticed more than once, twice, or even three times.....in fact during one of our first trists...the comment came from her..."Think boy!......Think boy!" and she wasn't talking about me,..but to me......that was when the gut instinct started and from there it was pretty much downhill..........
I really liked Paula,..but there were things that just didn't add up.....her priority was definitely not me.....once it was noticed,....I think we both acted on it. Had this been 5, maybe 10 years ago,....I think we would have had a good relationship if not marriage. But now? Well, I think at least one of us realized that it just wasn't going ot work......that someone was me....You do what you have to do sometimes,..and I have to go back to drawing board......
posted by Redneck Dave at Sunday, February 12, 2006
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