First Date Nightmares Pt II:The Fighter in Me

Now, my days of bar brawls are long long over,....two teeth and several scars OVER...Now I am not opposed to showing my ass once in a while,..fire water will do that to you sometimes. It has happened since that first cave man ate a fermented fruit and ruined the hunting party by scaring off the Tricerotops by hooping and hollering and got knocked out by the Chief caveman (yeah I made all of that up),..but usually its just posturing and nothing comes of it....This is also one of the reason I stick with a few select places to hang out....I know everyone and usually the owner or the manager....The fastest way to end a fight is to get the other guy thrown out..HEHEHEHE!
So, as I have said previously I have one bar that I prefer over all the rest. I know the owners and its a BAR bar,..bar flies and daily regulars. One of the regulars is a short older guy,..straight from Brooklyn or some other Yankee place....Forgeddaboutit!!! He's pretty funny and I've known him for a few years. Not BBQing at his house "know",..but definitely see him weekly or more. He always mentioned his beautiful wife and has made a comment to me several times about keeping his step daughter away from me....(jokingly I suspect,...but I digress). Most of us tease him about his wife being a fantasy, since none of us have ever seen her....but his buddy and a very good friend of mine has attested to the fact,..but teasing him is still fun...He's about 5'6" and weighs all of about 150 lbs. He is always wearing a redneck hat (I guess trying to fit in) and has hair to his shoulders.
Well one evening I walk into the bar and grab my typical stool next to Big Dale...I start on my second beer and first shot with Big Dale when in walks "D" ( the fella I described above). He sits at a table. We exchange "Hi's" and a couple of insults and so forth. I spin back around to face the bar and proceed to cut up with Big Dale. "D's" table is right directly behind my stool....its a Thursday night (why is this important?? Well you'll have to keep reading). A few minutes later in walks a very attarctive womand and a even more attractive younger lady. They go over and sit with D. Well spank me and call me Francis,..he does have a wife who is pretty and his step-daughter (apparently) is hotter than a rock at high noon in Texas....I mean SMOKIN~!
They are all sitting right behind me and of course being Dave I introduce myself. D is getting pretty lit up and has been drinking for most of the day, but is still in control of his faculties.....thus far....I joke around with them and him inparticular. Finally, hotty walks up to the bar to order a round of drinks and parks it beside me to order...WE joke lightly and I ask her name again....I had temporarily gone deaf during the introductions,...more like I was planning my strategy....
We chat for a minute and she invites me to sit down,..but I was halfway into a conversation with Big Dale, so I declined,..besides it made me look cool. Well a few more beers go down and another shot courtesy of Big Dale trying to make his drinking problem mine......
During this time, "D" has proceeded to get totally annihilated and was getting louder by the second...next thing I know I'm getting insults and hot slag tossed in my direction....usually this wouldn't bother me from him,..but he was more than showing his ass....I toss a couple back in his direction....now not to be too arrogant,..but once I start I will usually end the insults thing pretty quickly with a real stinger or two that leaves everyones mouth agape....(gees,.I can't believe he just said that...Bahahahahahahabwbhahahahahahahahahahah "D" he just called you a.....Man that was funny!!!..... sort of ending) This is usually where I have to get someone thrown out, or make it to the door in a hurry....
I finished my beer and was standing up to leave,..when "D" decided to throw one more good one my direction slurred words and all.....I walked over and said "Hey man, whats up,..why are you busting my chops so hard today"?? Then he proceeded with more....Well he was wearing a Nascar Jeff Gordon hat with flames on it......I smacked the bill of his hat and said "Hat's on fire! Oh its out!!!" and off it comes. This got a good laugh from everyone except his wife and step-daughter. Why you ask?? Well it revealed a a shiny bald head concealed by long hair in the back and the hat....obviously his wife and step-daughter knew what no one else did......CHROME DOME!!!! Man was he pissed,.....I had never, nor did anyone else see him without a hat before....Ummm Game Over....Now whats worse than a short guy with Napolean complex??? A short, drunk, bald guy with Napolean complex!!
His step-daughter and wife are busy burying their faces in their hands and I hear the whistle from The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly (whistle) WAAA WAAA WAAAAAAA (whistle) WA WAA WAAAAAAAAAAAA......Up he comes (umm about to my chest) and there goes his mouth,....you MutherFarker,...blah blah blah.....well I had enough too and it looked like it was getting ready to get nasty.....I try to walk off, he grabs my arm....Game On!!!! I tell him to take it out side if he wants a peice of me.....and out the door the entire bar goes.....Our mutual buddy is telling him to quit being a dick and his wife is in my face begging me not to kill him.....we were both bowed up.....After a minute or two...I tell him to fark off and walk to my truck and he is running his mouth the whole time....Our mutual freind is now about to be in a fight with him....

Too be continued!!!!