The Fed, The IRS, and Nascar......

Okay so yesterday PO-PO and I began emailing on a more serious level as far as getting to know one another. She told me a little more about what she does,..but refrained from details until we actually speak.....I agreed. She had to work last night and so said she would try to call me yesterday or today........We emailed a few times back and forth. She has a great sense of humor and the emails were entertaining....She stated that she had to leave for work at 5:00,..I figured if I was going to get a call yesterday that I would get it sometime thereafter since she had to drive from Orange Park to the Beach (roughly 20 miles of bumper to bumper, friggin finger flying, swear word tossing, rubbing is racing, traffic).
So last night I am driving home from work and I cross the bridge (Matthews) and as soon as I get to the top (about 5:20pm),...my cell rings.....The bridge is really crappy for trying to use the cell phone since you and the other person sound something similar to R2D2 on crack......The person on the other end says:
Caller: Is this David L......?
Me: Yes!
C: This is the agent (R2D2 speak) with the IRS....
Okay, first I own a business so I fear this call,.......always,...but I also met a FED who I did not know what she did, so I assumed it was her....
Me: Oh it's the armed accountant.....calling to take my taxes at gunpoint are you?? (this was reference to a joke in an email between Po-Po and I)
Caller: Laughing
Me: Laughing and sighing at the same time....
Caller: Well you know thats the only way to work for the IRS is carrying a gun...
Me: By the way did I mention I own a Donut Shop? I know cops like donuts,..can I bribe you with a free month of donuts for a pass on the audit???
Caller and Me: Laughing!
I then make a reference to a comment from the earlier mail....and I get:
Caller: Silence,....Ummm, Huh?
Me: Well you said ealier that you used to do Medical Insurance Fraud....?,Right?
Caller: Huh? What are you talking about....?

I couldn't drive towards my post work happy hour beer fast enough...crap who was I talking too....???
Caller: Who do you think this is???
Me: Ummmmmm well if I answer that and I am wrong,...then I make a fool out of myself,..if I answer that and I am right I have to answer who I first thought it was.....Lose, lose.....for me.....so I have NO IDEA!!!!
Caller: Well guess
Dammit I hate when people say that,..but it was a woman after all and I was pretty sure she wasn't calling to audit me....
Me: Well if you don't know what I am talking about then the only person I can think of would be "NASCAR"
Caller: Yeah, Hi how are you???
Me: Well, I'm good I just got a little confused there.....I tried to call you last night after you emailed me,..and you also didn't answer my email so I never expected YOU to call......
Nascar: Yeah, well I am a sucker for a cute face.....
Me: HEHEHEHEHE, yeah!
Nascar: So what are you doing,....?
Me: Stopping by for a customary sacrificing of the happy hour beer,...two must be killed to please the after work powers that be.....you??
Nascar: I am going to class....I have school two nights a week....
Me: Cool,...School makes you smart, I hear.....but that may just be a rumor...
Nascar: Well I don't feel much smarter,....but I do feel poorer....
Me: Well what side of town do you live on?
Nascar: I kind of lied about where I live......on my profile...
Me: Well thats a great way to start a good relationship...lie from the beginning,...I like it.....
Nascar: *Laugh* I linve in Nassau County (YULEE, GOOD LUCK FINDING THAT ON YOUR MAP)
Me: Singing ***They got some crazy lil women there and Ima gonna get me one........****
Nascar: Laughing,......Where do you live???
Me: Arlington,.....Right next to JU(the projects, not really,..but you could ride the roaches around,..... giddy-up boy!!!)
Nascar: Really, I am at JU right now,..that's where I go to school.....
So from there I manage to talk her into meeting me after class,...she got out at 9.
I proceeded to not only sacrafice the aforementioned beers,..but Jack Daniels needed to be shot twice too,..and thus was.....I was a wreck....gees....I have had more luck in dating in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 3 years,.......
I asked her to meet me at another bar (that would be having a band last night, when she got out of class).
About 9:30 (JU is literally 600 yards from the bar) she still hadn't called....I was already thinking I took a shower and put on a new shirt and I am getting stood-up!!!! Oh this just won't do, I tell ya,..just won't doooooooo.
I left her a message,..figuring it was a 40 minute drive back to Yulee,...It would leave me plenty of time to annoy the hell out of her with a ringing phone....
She called me back about 5 minutes later.....she was on her way....
NOW THE MOMENT OF TRUTH........
When you meet someone online and only get a 2"X2" picture (she has three), its tough to tell if it was taken in 1986 or last week. Its even tougher to make out some of the basics,...like is that a mole on her forehead??? and is there a tooth missing in that one???
So the first meeting is always stressful.....I proceeded to slay two more beers and decided at that point....I was as loose as I was going to get,..without the potential to dance naked on the bar......
In walks Nascar.....Holy cow......I knew her the second she walked in......(start porn track playing in background,...heavy bass and cha-cha music) She looked great.....suddenly my mouth detached itself from my brain and began to carry on a conversation that I was not part of,....apparently my body became the designated driver for a mouth with little control.....
I think I was actually shy for a minute......I also had an out of body experience too,..but I digress...
We found a table in the corner and began to talk.....I forcefully re-attached my mouth to the proper nuerons...and off we went into conversation.....it came easily and so did the laughs.....I asked her if she was hungry....we ordered dinner.....for the next 2 1/2 hours we laughed and talked,...compared CCW permits (Yep I love a girl with a gun,..keeps me honest) and we shared dating nightmares.....from Match....
At the end of the night I gave her a hug,..but I actually wanted to jump her bones on the spot.....Battle stations every one!!!,.....but nope,..... just a hug,..I think she actually wanted a kiss, she leaned in and everything.....but I ended up looking cool, by sloughing it off.
I asked her before we parted what she had going on for the weekend....and she said she was taking her nephew and neice to the Rodeo here in town at the Equestrian Center (REDNECK WITH GUN AND GOOD LOOKING WORKING ON HER MASTER"S DEGREE AND HAS A FULL TIME JOB AND HAS NO KIDS<>>>I THINK I LOVE HER). She said she had and extra ticket if I was interested. I havevn't been to a Rodeo since my Texas days,..but they were always fun and watching a dude get beat to crap by a horse or a steak that is still alive(WHo's tender now tough gu,...huh? WWHo's tender now!!!) is actually a lot of fun.....plus its even more fun to people watch.....So thats the plan tonight. I am meeting her at 6 and off we go,..to be happy rednecks together.....

Still have not heard from Po-Po,...but I don't suspect I am out of the running yet,..she has always taken a long time to get back to me......
Check back tomorrow for Nascar date #2....
Dave